Enduring the Harsh Conditions

According to some, the cactus represents endurance and thriving in harsh conditions.  For the past year, I've been feeling like I've had to endure uncomfortable situations.  I lost my house.  I lost my full-time psychotherapy practice.  And I lost my passion.  For the past 6 months, I've dealt with an uncomfortable work environment.  I wasn't doing clinical work.  I didn't share the same values with the program in which I worked.  And I felt like I had lost my voice which only made me feel disrespected.  And then there was the unfortunate incident.  A misunderstanding.  A lack of communication.  A harsh condition of which I would have to find a way to thrive.  I was sick to my stomach.  I wanted to quit but felt financially stuck.  Until I called on my support system.  My family, my friends, and my colleagues all circled their wagons around me.  Doors began to open in the direction my heart truly wanted to go.  Office space to re-open my practice in Colusa was available.  Office space in Sacramento became available.  Colleagues said they wanted to start a practice with me.  Part-time jobs started to present themselves.  I gave notice at work.  My last day is scheduled for Nov 21st.  I don't have a definite plan.  But I suppose that much like the cactus which endures the harsh conditions and still is able to bloom beautiful flowers, my practice will blossom in the way I desire.  And I will have endured.   

Oh my, it's been so long!

Wow, it's been months since I've blogged.  Balancing life can be so challenging.  I've been working 2 jobs and am living in 3 different cities right now.  And while balance has always been a challenge, I'm very happy.  Wanna know why?!  Because I feel a sense of belonging.  I'm spending more time with family and friends.  There's something about connection that really makes me feel exhilarated!  Nothing gives me more pleasure than the ability to connect with others.  As I move onto a new chapter in my life, and say good-bye to the current one, I am finding how truly connected I had been all along to others, nature, the world.  It's a wonderful feeling!  And I hope to blog more about it in the coming weeks.  But for now, I'm off to drive to yet another city.  My city.  Sacramento.

"Ya-Ya Mija"

When I was a little girl, my mom used to hold me in her arms and rock me, saying softly, "ya-ya mija", whenever I needed to be comforted.  It's amazing how comforting I still find those words when said ever so softly and gently.  Lately, I've been needing that kind of nurturing.  For the past month, I've had a nasty virus, a broken toe, a sinus infection, and asthma attacks.  I've been tired and cranky to say the least.  I wonder why I've been so sick lately?  Is it because most of my work days are 10-12 hours, 6 days a week?  Is it because I've been exploring beliefs in my soul coaching sessions that center on the physical?  Beliefs around body image and aging.  Is it because I no longer wake up to my own bio-rhythms but instead a blasting alarm clock?  Is it because I don't have time to keep my house clean and chores done?  Is it simply because this is cold and flu season?  There are plenty of reasons as to why I've been sick.  But more importantly, what can I do to heal?  In my Soul Coaching sessions, we explore beliefs around health and wellness, making sure I keep only the healthy belief systems.  It's tiring work to look at every little belief one has deep within her/his psyche, letting go of the ones that no longer fit and keeping those that are positive.  

Working long hours, having started a new job, and exploring negative beliefs have all overwhelmed me and put me under stress.  This could be why I've been dealing with physical illness.  Stress is the leading factor related to health and wellness.  But more importantly, I've not yet found a way to include fun.  I have yet to find the balance of work and play.  When I was a kid, I loved biking, skating, dancing, hanging out with my friends, and listening to music.  Since being sick, I haven't had a chance to bike, skate, dance or spend time with friends but my iPod is always playing.  Thank goodness for music!  It's the comforting voice of my mom's "ya-ya mija" in a different way.  And it's always readily available.  To every musician out there, thank you.  Thank you for the gift of comfort, healing, and joy!  Thank you for nurturing me.  

A Journey Deeper into the Soul

I made a promise to myself for 2011.  This was going to be the time for me to delve deeper into my soul.  For the past year, I've been working with a Soul Coach and have been pleasantly surprised at how much growth and healing has occurred as a result.  So when my Coach said, "Have you considered doing the 28-week program for Health and Vitality?", I thought, "Yes!"  Excitement filled my body as we talked about what I hoped to gain from this journey.  And what I hope to gain is how to live the most joyful life I possibly can without worry about where the journey takes me.  (As a goal-oriented person, this may be a challenge)  Last week, I had my first session and it centered on preparation for the next 27 weeks.  

Preparation for this journey has included setting the stage in my physical environment as well as my mind, body, and spirit.  Choosing to surround myself with positive images and symbols, keeping two journals, and committing to a meditation time have all been part of this first week.  While starting this process, I became ill.  Nothing too serious.  The doctor called it a "nasty virus" and put me on bed rest.  How odd.  I start a program with a focus on health and I get sick?  Hmm, what is the Universe up to this time?  

What I discovered about this time of physical healing is that it uncovered deeper emotional beliefs that need to be examined.  Things that appeared so minor but have been reflected in my life as physical ailments, particularly viral-induced asthma.  It allowed me to journal through those emotions in a way I had never thought of before.  It is allowing me to clear out any negativity I may be holding in my body.  Hmm, maybe the Universe is supporting me on this health program?  ;)

I'm hoping to document my journey via my blog as a way to share the joys I'm sure to discover!  Like going to the bottom of the ocean admiring and appreciating all of nature's wonders, I'm sure I'll find many wonderful things about myself that have come from Mother Nature herself!

Therapy Chick to the Rescue!

Sometimes I wish I had a magic wand.  A magic wand would allow me to heal others without watching them go through those rough patches of heartache, disappointment, confusion, frustration, loss, and pain.  I wonder, though, is that for their sake or for mine.  How comfortable am I sitting with someone in their time of need?  As a psychotherapist, one would think I'm quite comfortable.  I'm probably more comfortable than the average person.  But when one of my strengths is the ability to provide empathy, I have to make sure to keep my emotional boundaries intact.  Otherwise, I'm feeling someone else's pain so deeply that I become sad and confused.  And then I feel helpless and powerless.  I have difficulty with these feelings.  I pride myself on being a strong, supportive woman and friend.  Feelings of helplessness and powerlessness bring to mind a sense of weakness and an inability to provide comfort to those in need.  I know this is not true, however.  I also know that an understanding word, a listening ear, and even a silent presence can bring comfort and hope to someone in need.  It just never seems enough, though.  I don't feel like I'm enough in those moments.  And then I have to remember to surrender and trust the process of life, quietly knowing that the most loving thing I can do is allow my loved one to experience his/her healing journey as intended.  And to let them know, I'm here, waving that magic wand just in case. 

Life Unexpected

Life has an interesting way of unfolding.  Just when I think I'm headed one way, life takes me on an unexpected path.  It's not always easy for me to let go and trust that things will work out for the best.  But things usually work out even better than I expect once I let go of expectations.  Easier said than done of course!  Recently, I had my heart broken.  A potential relationship didn't turn out the way I hoped.  But maybe there are reasons why.  Maybe life knew something I didn't about this man or about the timing of it all.  Maybe life knew what was in my best interests.  I'm still having trouble letting go completely.  Sometimes, I still find myself wishing things had worked out with this man.  He's a good guy.  I have nothing negative to say about him.  I don't know why life led me down a different path.  What I do know is that as soon as I said good-bye to this man, a wonderful unexpected surprise happened!  An acquaintance reached out to me in his time of need.  And now I have a new friend.  Someone who offers support and understanding regarding my sadness and disappointment.  Someone who encourages me to get back out there and not settle.  Someone who listens to me complain and cry while making it safe for me to express hopes and dreams without fear of judgment.  I hope I offer him the same gifts he offers me.  I'm so glad life took me down a different path.  A path of healing.  A path of connecting with someone.  A path of friendship.  Thank you life for my new friend.  And thanks for leading me towards the letting go process, trusting all will be well and I'll be ok.

Rambling about Time

“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.”~Henry Van Dyke For the last few days, I've been sharing with my friends the feeling of panic in regards to time. But it's not time that's making me panic. It's my own concept of time. And buying into society's concept of time. Have you ever wondered why we ask a high school student when they're going to start planning for college? A college graduate when they're going to start looking for work? When a person will marry? When a couple will have a child? It seems we all place expectations on time lines. And then there's the complaint that we didn't have time to do something. But really, we all have the same amount of time in the day. We've all been given 24 hours in each day. It's how we choose to spend our time that is important. And maybe that's what makes us more relaxed or more uptight about time. It's not time that causes stress, worry, or panic, it's our concept, or perception, of time. As mentioned in the earlier quote, time is perceived dependent upon our current experience. Time is still just a measurement of a unit. But our experiences, expectations, and perceptions are vast. What is your concept of time? What experiences make you feel that time is running out? Or taking too long? Are you able to list a quote or two about time? Do those quotes speak to your experiences? Do you even want to take the time to answer those questions? :)