Life Unexpected

Life has an interesting way of unfolding.  Just when I think I'm headed one way, life takes me on an unexpected path.  It's not always easy for me to let go and trust that things will work out for the best.  But things usually work out even better than I expect once I let go of expectations.  Easier said than done of course!  Recently, I had my heart broken.  A potential relationship didn't turn out the way I hoped.  But maybe there are reasons why.  Maybe life knew something I didn't about this man or about the timing of it all.  Maybe life knew what was in my best interests.  I'm still having trouble letting go completely.  Sometimes, I still find myself wishing things had worked out with this man.  He's a good guy.  I have nothing negative to say about him.  I don't know why life led me down a different path.  What I do know is that as soon as I said good-bye to this man, a wonderful unexpected surprise happened!  An acquaintance reached out to me in his time of need.  And now I have a new friend.  Someone who offers support and understanding regarding my sadness and disappointment.  Someone who encourages me to get back out there and not settle.  Someone who listens to me complain and cry while making it safe for me to express hopes and dreams without fear of judgment.  I hope I offer him the same gifts he offers me.  I'm so glad life took me down a different path.  A path of healing.  A path of connecting with someone.  A path of friendship.  Thank you life for my new friend.  And thanks for leading me towards the letting go process, trusting all will be well and I'll be ok.

Rambling about Time

“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.”~Henry Van Dyke For the last few days, I've been sharing with my friends the feeling of panic in regards to time. But it's not time that's making me panic. It's my own concept of time. And buying into society's concept of time. Have you ever wondered why we ask a high school student when they're going to start planning for college? A college graduate when they're going to start looking for work? When a person will marry? When a couple will have a child? It seems we all place expectations on time lines. And then there's the complaint that we didn't have time to do something. But really, we all have the same amount of time in the day. We've all been given 24 hours in each day. It's how we choose to spend our time that is important. And maybe that's what makes us more relaxed or more uptight about time. It's not time that causes stress, worry, or panic, it's our concept, or perception, of time. As mentioned in the earlier quote, time is perceived dependent upon our current experience. Time is still just a measurement of a unit. But our experiences, expectations, and perceptions are vast. What is your concept of time? What experiences make you feel that time is running out? Or taking too long? Are you able to list a quote or two about time? Do those quotes speak to your experiences? Do you even want to take the time to answer those questions? :)

Forgiveness Brings About Peace

Thich Nhat Hanh is quoted as saying, "The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions." There is something quite freeing about forgiveness. It can give us a sense of peace, satisfaction, and acceptance. Recently, I had to ask someone for forgiveness. It wasn't easy because I felt justified. I had been hurt. But what I noticed is that when I opened myself up to the process, the other person not only validated and understood my perspective, he also said he appreciated my vulnerability! I work with people everyday in my practice who are afraid to be vulnerable to someone else. Especially someone close to them. They blame themselves for not being stronger, not being tougher, and not being fearless. But really, they aren't opening themselves up to the process of human interaction. Whenever we feel a need to be better, be stronger, be tougher because we "should", we really aren't giving ourselves the love and compassion necessary to forgive ourselves for being human. So remember to allow yourself the same "practice of peace and reconciliation" within yourself!

Heart & Soul: How will you be Celebrating?

February is all about the heart and soul! It is American Heart Month, Black History Month, Mardi Gras time, and above all, February is most known for Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day has always been a struggle for me. Whether I have a partner or not. I'm sure I'm not alone in my feelings as the expectations of this "holiday" can become overwhelming for some. Or those who are single may feel left out and alone. I remember when I was in college, a few single friends and I got together for an "anti" Valentine's Day dinner. But really, we were celebrating Valentine's Day because we were toasting our friendships. Valentine's Day isn't just for couples. We can celebrate our friendships, our parent-child relationships, and/or the relationship with ourselves. Even our pet relationships can be honored.

Here are some of my suggestions for celebrating this day of love whether you are single or coupled:

1. Treat yourself to Spa Day by getting a massage or a pedicure. Take your pet to the groomer while you take off to the spa. You both can get pampered!
2. Donate your time and energy to a charity. Taking your kids will give them a sense of the world around them and show them how wonderful it can be to give!
3. A nice romantic candlelit dinner doesn't have to be just for couples! Spoil yourself to your favorite meal and enjoy!
4. Be fully present when conversing with a friend, child, or senior citizen. Open your heart and ears and just listen.
5. Celebrate Black History Month by educating yourself on the contributions of the black community.
6. Eat right, exercise, and follow the guidelines for a healthy heart.
7-??? Now it's your turn! List some suggestions for the rest of us!

The Last Week of the Giving Challenge

This last week of the Giving Challenge has been fun and sad at the same time. I learned that to give is to be able to fill one's self up with love and share it with the rest of the world. During this last week, I received feedback from some of the little things I had been doing. From the bank teller who told me how I made his day just for being understanding of his job to the strangers on the street who stopped to tell me they liked that I smiled at them. Really? Those little things filled others with a sense of joy?! How exciting to hear that! I learned a lot over the last 29 days. I learned it's ok to just be yourself, that what I have to give is good enough, that it's the little things that matter, that the manners one learns at a young age make a difference as we get older, and that forgiveness is a powerful thing. But I suppose the thing I'll take away the most from this experience is that I don't want to stop giving! It makes me sad to think the Challenge is now over. Guess, I will have to try my best to continue incorporating this giving attitude into my life...everyday!

Days 22-23 Rough but Day 24 was Back on Track

I was starting to feel like a failure with the Giving Challenge for days 22 and 23 but today, day 24, brought me back on track. On days 22 and 23, I hadn't even stopped to think about the Challenge. I was caught up in my own head and not paying much attention to the rest of the world. I was in me, me, me mode! But a phone call to my cell phone company got me back on track! The customer service rep was very helpful, answering all of my questions and even crediting me $25 for being a loyal customer. He was polite and respectful that at the end of our conversation, when he asked if there was anything else he could do, I said, "Yes, would you mind getting your supervisor so I can tell him or her how wonderful you've been?!" The excitement in his voice warmed my heart. He said, "Really?! You'd do that? Thank you so much!" When the supervisor came on the line, she thanked me for taking the time to praise one of her employees since she usually has to deal with complaints. It felt great to give praise to the customer service rep as well as giving the supervisor a sigh of relief. Next time someone provides good service or goes the extra step, be sure to let them and their supervisor know! It'll feel soooo good!

Days 19-21: Keeping in Touch

In the past 3 days, the most I've done with the Giving Challenge has been to keep in touch with friends and family during the storms. I've called one friend daily to see how she is since she lives alone and I text friends in the L.A. area who aren't used to such weather. Other than that, I'm not sure if I'm doing too well with this "assignment". I'm finding the most difficult part about this experience is staying mindful. To truly be aware of my actions and how they impact others seems to be the lesson learned here. Maybe I need to keep in touch with my own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors as I go through this experience. Maybe I need to be ok with the fact that I don't have to do extravagant things in order to be giving. Maybe just being present with someone is all that is required.