Therapy Chick

Oh my, it's been so long!

2011-10-04T13:07:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been months since I've blogged. Balancing life can be so challenging. I've been working 2 jobs and am living in 3 different cities right now. And while balance has always been a challenge, I'm very happy. Wanna know why?! Because I feel a sense of belonging. I'm spending more time with family and friends. There's something about connection that really makes me feel exhilarated! Nothing gives me more pleasure than the ability to connect with others. As I move onto a new chapter in my life, and say good-bye to the current one, I am finding how truly connected I had been all along to others, nature, the world. It's a wonderful feeling! And I hope to blog more about it in the coming weeks. But for now, I'm off to drive to yet another city. My city. Sacramento.

"Ya-Ya Mija"

2011-02-12T11:16:00.000-08:00

When I was a little girl, my mom used to hold me in her arms and rock me, saying softly, "ya-ya mija", whenever I needed to be comforted. It's amazing how comforting I still find those words when said ever so softly and gently. Lately, I've been needing that kind of nurturing. For the past month, I've had a nasty virus, a broken toe, a sinus infection, and asthma attacks. I've been tired and cranky to say the least. I wonder why I've been so sick lately? Is it because most of my work days are 10-12 hours, 6 days a week? Is it because I've been exploring beliefs in my soul coaching sessions that center on the physical? Beliefs around body image and aging. Is it because I no longer wake up to my own bio-rhythms but instead a blasting alarm clock? Is it because I don't have time to keep my house clean and chores done? Is it simply because this is cold and flu season? There are plenty of reasons as to why I've been sick. But more importantly, what can I do to heal? In my Soul Coaching sessions, we explore beliefs around health and wellness, making sure I keep only the healthy belief systems. It's tiring work to look at every little belief one has deep within her/his psyche, letting go of the ones that no longer fit and keeping those that are positive.

Working long hours, having started a new job, and exploring negative beliefs have all overwhelmed me and put me under stress. This could be why I've been dealing with physical illness. Stress is the leading factor related to health and wellness. But more importantly, I've not yet found a way to include fun. I have yet to find the balance of work and play. When I was a kid, I loved biking, skating, dancing, hanging out with my friends, and listening to music. Since being sick, I haven't had a chance to bike, skate, dance or spend time with friends but my iPod is always playing. Thank goodness for music! It's the comforting voice of my mom's "ya-ya mija" in a different way. And it's always readily available. To every musician out there, thank you. Thank you for the gift of comfort, healing, and joy! Thank you for nurturing me.

A Journey Deeper into the Soul

2011-01-13T17:54:00.000-08:00

I made a promise to myself for 2011. This was going to be the time for me to delve deeper into my soul. For the past year, I've been working with a Soul Coach and have been pleasantly surprised at how much growth and healing has occurred as a result. So when my Coach said, "Have you considered doing the 28-week program for Health and Vitality?", I thought, "Yes!" Excitement filled my body as we talked about what I hoped to gain from this journey. And what I hope to gain is how to live the most joyful life I possibly can without worry about where the journey takes me. (As a goal-oriented person, this may be a challenge) Last week, I had my first session and it centered on preparation for the next 27 weeks.

Preparation for this journey has included setting the stage in my physical environment as well as my mind, body, and spirit. Choosing to surround myself with positive images and symbols, keeping two journals, and committing to a meditation time have all been part of this first week. While starting this process, I became ill. Nothing too serious. The doctor called it a "nasty virus" and put me on bed rest. How odd. I start a program with a focus on health and I get sick? Hmm, what is the Universe up to this time?

What I discovered about this time of physical healing is that it uncovered deeper emotional beliefs that need to be examined. Things that appeared so minor but have been reflected in my life as physical ailments, particularly viral-induced asthma. It allowed me to journal through those emotions in a way I had never thought of before. It is allowing me to clear out any negativity I may be holding in my body. Hmm, maybe the Universe is supporting me on this health program? ;)

I'm hoping to document my journey via my blog as a way to share the joys I'm sure to discover! Like going to the bottom of the ocean admiring and appreciating all of nature's wonders, I'm sure I'll find many wonderful things about myself that have come from Mother Nature herself!

Therapy Chick to the Rescue!

2010-10-20T22:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wish I had a magic wand. A magic wand would allow me to heal others without watching them go through those rough patches of heartache, disappointment, confusion, frustration, loss, and pain. I wonder, though, is that for their sake or for mine. How comfortable am I sitting with someone in their time of need? As a psychotherapist, one would think I'm quite comfortable. I'm probably more comfortable than the average person. But when one of my strengths is the ability to provide empathy, I have to make sure to keep my emotional boundaries intact. Otherwise, I'm feeling someone else's pain so deeply that I become sad and confused. And then I feel helpless and powerless. I have difficulty with these feelings. I pride myself on being a strong, supportive woman and friend. Feelings of helplessness and powerlessness bring to mind a sense of weakness and an inability to provide comfort to those in need. I know this is not true, however. I also know that an understanding word, a listening ear, and even a silent presence can bring comfort and hope to someone in need. It just never seems enough, though. I don't feel like I'm enough in those moments. And then I have to remember to surrender and trust the process of life, quietly knowing that the most loving thing I can do is allow my loved one to experience his/her healing journey as intended. And to let them know, I'm here, waving that magic wand just in case.

Life Unexpected

2010-08-26T23:22:00.000-07:00

Life has an interesting way of unfolding. Just when I think I'm headed one way, life takes me on an unexpected path. It's not always easy for me to let go and trust that things will work out for the best. But things usually work out even better than I expect once I let go of expectations. Easier said than done of course! Recently, I had my heart broken. A potential relationship didn't turn out the way I hoped. But maybe there are reasons why. Maybe life knew something I didn't about this man or about the timing of it all. Maybe life knew what was in my best interests. I'm still having trouble letting go completely. Sometimes, I still find myself wishing things had worked out with this man. He's a good guy. I have nothing negative to say about him. I don't know why life led me down a different path. What I do know is that as soon as I said good-bye to this man, a wonderful unexpected surprise happened! An acquaintance reached out to me in his time of need. And now I have a new friend. Someone who offers support and understanding regarding my sadness and disappointment. Someone who encourages me to get back out there and not settle. Someone who listens to me complain and cry while making it safe for me to express hopes and dreams without fear of judgment. I hope I offer him the same gifts he offers me. I'm so glad life took me down a different path. A path of healing. A path of connecting with someone. A path of friendship. Thank you life for my new friend. And thanks for leading me towards the letting go process, trusting all will be well and I'll be ok.

Rambling about Time

2010-06-24T14:29:00.001-07:00

“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.”~Henry Van Dyke For the last few days, I've been sharing with my friends the feeling of panic in regards to time. But it's not time that's making me panic. It's my own concept of time. And buying into society's concept of time. Have you ever wondered why we ask a high school student when they're going to start planning for college? A college graduate when they're going to start looking for work? When a person will marry? When a couple will have a child? It seems we all place expectations on time lines. And then there's the complaint that we didn't have time to do something. But really, we all have the same amount of time in the day. We've all been given 24 hours in each day. It's how we choose to spend our time that is important. And maybe that's what makes us more relaxed or more uptight about time. It's not time that causes stress, worry, or panic, it's our concept, or perception, of time. As mentioned in the earlier quote, time is perceived dependent upon our current experience. Time is still just a measurement of a unit. But our experiences, expectations, and perceptions are vast. What is your concept of time? What experiences make you feel that time is running out? Or taking too long? Are you able to list a quote or two about time? Do those quotes speak to your experiences? Do you even want to take the time to answer those questions? :)

Forgiveness Brings About Peace

2010-02-24T21:09:00.000-08:00

Thich Nhat Hanh is quoted as saying, "The practice of peace and reconciliation is one of the most vital and artistic of human actions." There is something quite freeing about forgiveness. It can give us a sense of peace, satisfaction, and acceptance. Recently, I had to ask someone for forgiveness. It wasn't easy because I felt justified. I had been hurt. But what I noticed is that when I opened myself up to the process, the other person not only validated and understood my perspective, he also said he appreciated my vulnerability! I work with people everyday in my practice who are afraid to be vulnerable to someone else. Especially someone close to them. They blame themselves for not being stronger, not being tougher, and not being fearless. But really, they aren't opening themselves up to the process of human interaction. Whenever we feel a need to be better, be stronger, be tougher because we "should", we really aren't giving ourselves the love and compassion necessary to forgive ourselves for being human. So remember to allow yourself the same "practice of peace and reconciliation" within yourself!

Heart & Soul: How will you be Celebrating?

2010-02-05T11:26:00.000-08:00

February is all about the heart and soul! It is American Heart Month, Black History Month, Mardi Gras time, and above all, February is most known for Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day has always been a struggle for me. Whether I have a partner or not. I'm sure I'm not alone in my feelings as the expectations of this "holiday" can become overwhelming for some. Or those who are single may feel left out and alone. I remember when I was in college, a few single friends and I got together for an "anti" Valentine's Day dinner. But really, we were celebrating Valentine's Day because we were toasting our friendships. Valentine's Day isn't just for couples. We can celebrate our friendships, our parent-child relationships, and/or the relationship with ourselves. Even our pet relationships can be honored.

Here are some of my suggestions for celebrating this day of love whether you are single or coupled:

1. Treat yourself to Spa Day by getting a massage or a pedicure. Take your pet to the groomer while you take off to the spa. You both can get pampered!
2. Donate your time and energy to a charity. Taking your kids will give them a sense of the world around them and show them how wonderful it can be to give!
3. A nice romantic candlelit dinner doesn't have to be just for couples! Spoil yourself to your favorite meal and enjoy!
4. Be fully present when conversing with a friend, child, or senior citizen. Open your heart and ears and just listen.
5. Celebrate Black History Month by educating yourself on the contributions of the black community.
6. Eat right, exercise, and follow the guidelines for a healthy heart.
7-??? Now it's your turn! List some suggestions for the rest of us!

The Last Week of the Giving Challenge

2010-01-29T15:29:00.000-08:00

This last week of the Giving Challenge has been fun and sad at the same time. I learned that to give is to be able to fill one's self up with love and share it with the rest of the world. During this last week, I received feedback from some of the little things I had been doing. From the bank teller who told me how I made his day just for being understanding of his job to the strangers on the street who stopped to tell me they liked that I smiled at them. Really? Those little things filled others with a sense of joy?! How exciting to hear that! I learned a lot over the last 29 days. I learned it's ok to just be yourself, that what I have to give is good enough, that it's the little things that matter, that the manners one learns at a young age make a difference as we get older, and that forgiveness is a powerful thing. But I suppose the thing I'll take away the most from this experience is that I don't want to stop giving! It makes me sad to think the Challenge is now over. Guess, I will have to try my best to continue incorporating this giving attitude into my life...everyday!

Days 22-23 Rough but Day 24 was Back on Track

2010-01-24T14:50:00.000-08:00

I was starting to feel like a failure with the Giving Challenge for days 22 and 23 but today, day 24, brought me back on track. On days 22 and 23, I hadn't even stopped to think about the Challenge. I was caught up in my own head and not paying much attention to the rest of the world. I was in me, me, me mode! But a phone call to my cell phone company got me back on track! The customer service rep was very helpful, answering all of my questions and even crediting me $25 for being a loyal customer. He was polite and respectful that at the end of our conversation, when he asked if there was anything else he could do, I said, "Yes, would you mind getting your supervisor so I can tell him or her how wonderful you've been?!" The excitement in his voice warmed my heart. He said, "Really?! You'd do that? Thank you so much!" When the supervisor came on the line, she thanked me for taking the time to praise one of her employees since she usually has to deal with complaints. It felt great to give praise to the customer service rep as well as giving the supervisor a sigh of relief. Next time someone provides good service or goes the extra step, be sure to let them and their supervisor know! It'll feel soooo good!

Days 19-21: Keeping in Touch

2010-01-21T12:55:00.000-08:00

In the past 3 days, the most I've done with the Giving Challenge has been to keep in touch with friends and family during the storms. I've called one friend daily to see how she is since she lives alone and I text friends in the L.A. area who aren't used to such weather. Other than that, I'm not sure if I'm doing too well with this "assignment". I'm finding the most difficult part about this experience is staying mindful. To truly be aware of my actions and how they impact others seems to be the lesson learned here. Maybe I need to keep in touch with my own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors as I go through this experience. Maybe I need to be ok with the fact that I don't have to do extravagant things in order to be giving. Maybe just being present with someone is all that is required.

Days 14-18: It's the Little Things

2010-01-18T16:04:00.001-08:00

Days 14-18 of the Giving Challenge have been spent doing the little things for people. The things that don't seem to make a difference but really do. A polite "thank you" when someone gets the door, buying my dad a crossword puzzle book just because I know he enjoys them, saying "happy new year" to complete strangers at the post office, and spending time with a friend to hear his/her thoughts and feelings about life. But the simplest thing I've done during this whole challenge has been to text the word "Haiti" to 90999 to make my $10 donation for the earthquake victims. Little things do matter! So the next time you're giving and wondering if it makes a difference, know that yes, it does...to someone, somewhere! Keep giving!

Days 11-13: Connecting w/other Goddesses

2010-01-13T11:25:00.000-08:00

The last couple of days have been a struggle for me as I'm dealing with a shift in my feminine self. What I have found though is that when I reached out to my other female friends who have experienced "The Change", there was an incredible sigh of relief coming from them. I received emails thanking me for sharing with them my own struggles because they felt a sense of connection with me. There were comments like, "I thought I was the only one feeling crazy", or "I'm having trouble sleeping, too." And then there's the exchange of information on holistic, natural interventions and how to express feelings in healthy ways. We are not alone in this transition. It's a wonderful time filled with sadness, happiness, excitement, grief, and connection to other women. By connecting on deeper levels, we can find the gifts of validation, understanding, and meaning, knowing there is something greater at work than ourselves.

Days 9 & 10: Pets

2010-01-12T08:43:00.001-08:00

Pets are a wonderful addition to a family and mine are no exception. So as part of days 9 and 10 of the Giving Challenge, I decided to give them massages! My boy seemed to really enjoy having his head rubbed while my girl liked her shoulders massaged. What I found, however, was how relaxing it was for me. It allowed me to just be in the moment with them. My mind wasn't racing with the usual stressful thoughts of money and family. Instead, I just sat there with each one of them, completely focused on the moment. We were all very peaceful. And that was nice.

Days 7 & 8: Forgiveness

2010-01-09T12:49:00.000-08:00

"Even monkeys fall out of trees" is my favorite saying when it comes to forgiveness. Days 7 & 8 of the Giving Challenge brought me the opportunity to give myself the gift of forgiveness. Just like the monkey who occasionally falls out of a tree, I have stumbled along my life's journey. Particularly in regards to personal relationships. Recently, someone I cared about hurt me and this triggered childhood wounds. In the beginning of feeling hurt, I was able to express my feelings openly and honestly. And when they weren't heard, I found myself becoming angry and resentful towards this person. In typical inner child fashion, I lashed out with my words, making a snide comment and telling this person how rude he was being. This, of course, triggered him and an argument ensued. After some TLC from loved ones, and working out my feelings, I was able to forgive myself. I am only human. I have hurts, triggers, and wounds like anyone else. I make mistakes and poor choices at times. But rather than beating up on myself, focusing on the negative, I decided to validate and understand my behavior and feelings. My little inner child needed nurturing from me, not criticism. This in turn gave me the ability to forgive the other person. And while I will never see him again, I feel good knowing that I hold no ill will towards him or me. We are both little cheeky monkeys who fell out of our respective trees.

Day 6: Gotcha!

2010-01-06T14:52:00.001-08:00

My friend, Beau, rarely lets me take care of him but he's always so good at taking care of me. I had a rough 2009 and Beau has always been available to listen to me, validate my feelings, and offer words of encouragement. And if I ask for a hug, he welcomes me with open arms. I tell him thank you often and have always wanted to do more for him but he says I do enough. Not sure what I've done exactly to return the favor but he's fine with our friendship. I usually say "ok" but this time, as I've been plotting carefully with the Giving Challenge, I wanted to surprise him by buying his lunch today. When I asked if he would allow me to do that for him, he said only if I had a good reason. The reason, "Because you've always been so good at taking care of me." But I had an ulterior motive...there's nothing that gives me greater pleasure than doing something nice for a nice someone! Ha, ha! I gotcha!

Days 4 & 5: Perplexed

2010-01-05T21:06:00.001-08:00

I'm already stuck! I'm not even a week into the Giving Challenge and I'm perplexed as to how to give. It's not that I struggle with giving. Actually, giving comes quite naturally to me. The challenge has been in doing it mindfully. To think about who, what, where, when, and how. Maybe I'm over-thinking it? I have been known to be an over-achiever, to analyze things over and over. I thought about when I asked the grocery clerk yesterday how he was doing while I made eye contact with him. Or today, when I was polite to someone who has hurt me. I wondered, "Could I count those times? Does it make a difference that I wasn't mindful under these circumstances?" Maybe I need to give myself a little leeway. It's not the goal so much as the journey. The journey of discovering how wonderful it can be to give, learning about myself in the process. Maybe this exercise gave to me again? Maybe it gave me the gift of patience, acceptance, or forgiveness. Maybe I should just let go and enjoy the journey!

Days 2 & 3 of Giving Challenge: Excitement

2010-01-03T14:09:00.001-08:00

Ever get so excited about giving a gift that you specifically picked out for someone? Well, that's how I felt for days 2 & 3 of the Giving Challenge! It didn't start out that way, however. On the second day, I found myself racking my brain, thinking carefully what to do, who to give to, and how to give. I wanted to make sure the gift was thoughtful and specific to my recipient. When I finally decided on the details of said gift, I could feel the excitement growing as if it was Christmas Day. I imagined watching in anticipation the look on my friend's face when she would "open" her gift. A simple Thank You text. It's amazing how something that appears so small and insignificant could make me feel so much enthusiasm. I also felt a sense of mystery, like keeping an extravagant secret. Today, this third day, I felt like I was on a covert mission as I surprised my mom with washing her dishes and throwing in her last load of laundry. She didn't even notice the dishes had been washed which made me feel even more delighted! Excitement, enthusiasm, and delight weren't the only gifts I had already received as a result from participating in this challenging...I found myself being offered gifts from others! My website designer knocked off $20 off my monthly bill, a friend treated me to brunch, and my mom gave me a new blouse. Coincidence? I think not! *wink, wink*

Giving Challenge-Day One: Relieving Calm

2010-01-02T08:37:00.000-08:00

Whenever I need to find peace and calm, I go to the ocean. There's something about the sound of the waves crashing against the shore that bring a sense of oneness for me. This was the same feeling I experienced when I took my first risk into the Giving Challenge. At first, I was perplexed, trying to figure out what to do. I'm someone who tries to do kind things for others but never before have I been so mindful of the choice to give. It was a little confusing actually. So I perused the suggestion list on the 29-Day Giving Challenge website . Nothing really spoke to me and I sat in front of my computer wondering how to truly give. Without expectation. Just for the sheer joy of giving. Then it hit me! There was a wrong I needed to make right with a friend. The last time I spoke with her, I hadn't been very understanding or even polite for that matter. I was still dealing with past anger and resentment towards her because she wasn't being the kind of friend I thought she "should" be. I decided to email her, offering up an apology for my recent attitude as well as offering up empathy for her current stressful situation. As I wrote the email, I could feel a heaviness lifting off of me. I moved from the judgment in my mind to the love in my heart. There was a sense of excitement as I hoped this email would provide the support she originally needed from me. I'm not sure if she'll accept the gift the way it was intended but I know my attitude shifted from resentment and frustration with our friendship to peace, calm, and relief. And I found myself incredibly grateful for her being in my life! And this was just the first day!

29-Day Giving Challenge Accepted!

2010-01-01T13:55:00.000-08:00

With a new year upon us, I was looking for ways to promote positive energy in my life. I have found the best way to do that is to get out of my Self and focus on what brings others joy. So when I received an email from one of my colleagues challenging me to participate in the 29-Day Giving Challenge, I had to accept! Besides, I like a good challenge. And who doesn't want to spread the gift of joy and positivity!? I look forward to seeing how my giving will benefit others as well as bring me peace and harmony. I challenge anyone reading this to participate as well by visiting the 29-Day Giving Challenge website.

I'm not sure what I'll do first but I'll be sure to post my experiences on my blog. Feel free to share if you're also participating! Like the vineyard, we are all connected. So, let's work together, sharing our gifts in order to bear fruit! Let's all commit to living abundantly in 2010!

Celebrate Differences!

2009-09-08T13:31:00.001-07:00

For most of my life, I have felt different. Different because I was a bi-racial child being raised in a predominately white small town. Different because I was told I wouldn't understand what a cracked radiator meant because I'm a woman. Different because I've been told I must be a socialist because I'm a political progressive. Different because I am a single, never-been-married woman in her 40's and something must be wrong with me. Different because I am someone who has chosen to be childfree and have been told I'm an ogre and going against God's will. And different because I am a Pagan and have been told I'm going to hell.

I used to hate being different. I used to hate the criticisms I would hear. I was exposed to racism and sexism at an early age. I heard derogatory terms and statements like "wetback" and "you're just a girl". And I couldn't understand it. My parents are very different people and they've been married for almost 44 years. Mom is a Mexican, progressive Democrat, who supports a woman's right to choose and marriage equality. Dad is a white, registered Republican who believes in traditional family values. They never fought over who was right or wrong in these cases. They encouraged us to be free thinkers. Yet, the world around me was telling me I didn't fit in. That I was different. And because I was different, I was not ok or not good enough.

I see this everyday in my practice. Adults struggling to get past feelings of being different, of feeling like they're not good enough, and, as a result feeling depressed and/or anxious. They ask me, as tears stream down their faces, "What's wrong with me? Why aren't I good enough?" From women, I hear, "I'm not pretty enough", "My body is ugly", or "I'm afraid to speak up because I'll be called a bitch." And from men, I hear, "I don't make enough money", "I'm not strong enough", or "I feel like a failure". The truth is each one of us is good enough! Sure, we all have our flaws and quirks. But truly, we are all deserving of love, peace, happiness, and respect. And it has to start from within. YOU have to know that you are good enough! YOU have to know that you are deserving of love, acceptance, and respect! And YOU have to know that because you are different, YOU are unique.

I love being different now. Of course now it's kinda cool to be Latin. But I am proud of my Mexican and European backgrounds. I am proud to be female. I'm proud that my political beliefs are aligned with my morals and values. I'm incredibly proud to be childfree and not settle to be in an unhappy relationship just to "fit in". And I'm a proud Pagan. I'm proud of all these things because they make me who I am. They are a part of me. And if you get the chance to know me, instead of perpetuating stereo-types, you'll know I'm not that different from you. I desire love, peace, happiness, and respect just like you do. And if you are someone who continues to feel different, celebrate it! Embrace it! Love it! And know that you are deserving of being loved and accepted. I challenge you to list all of your wonderful qualities and then look them over every night. You will notice a difference in your mood and how you look at yourself. And then you'll start to notice how others respond to you.

So don't be afraid to be different. Besides, didn't someone once say, "Variety is the spice of life"!

(If you are feeling depressed or anxious, please consult your doctor or mental health professional)

One Wild Ride Through Life

2009-08-13T14:48:00.000-07:00

This is my dad. Or as I like to call him, Pop Pop. Pop Pop and the rest of us have had one wild ride through life recently thanks to him needing a quintuple bypass and a heart valve replacement. It started in late June when I received a call, while on vacation, from my brother that Pop Pop was in the ER. Damn! I was 2.5 hours away! How could I get there fast enough? And how could I manage the anxiety I was feeling at 60 mph? Thoughts of worry raced through my mind. I held my breath, waiting to exhale. I decided calling a friend might be an option. (Thank goodness for modern technology.) I asked my friend to just talk with me. About anything! I just needed to know that I wasn't alone and that I wouldn't drive like a maniac. I arrived safely to the hospital where Pop Pop was just admitted. He spent 4 days in the hospital. But that was not the end of it.

"Florence, we need you to take your dad to UCDMC to have some tests run," his cardiologist told me. He would need an echocardiogram and an angiogram. And so we made our trek, at 5 am, to UCDMC about 2 weeks later. I was annoyed for having to wake up early while feeling stressed and worried over Pop Pop's health and my finances. (Paid days off are not in the self-employed's benefit package.) We arrived at UCDMC around 6:30 am and Pop Pop was prepped for his first procedure. I remember Mom and I walking alongside the gurney as they wheeled him in. Worry overcame me yet again. I held my breath, waiting to exhale. I was able to breath when the cardiologist informed us the procedure was a success and they needed to prep him for his angiogram. Lots of waiting, lots of pacing. Finally, they took him in. This time we had to wait in the waiting area. Worry overcame me. I held my breath, waiting to exhale. Two hours later, the cardiologist met with us and said, "He's going to need surgery." And so began all of the consults, the going back-and-forth to UCDMC, the planning of dog-sitting, house-sitting, rearranging clients, researching FMLA, etc, etc. And then the big day arrived.

July 16th. 5:30 am. Admitted and prepped. 6:30 am. Wheeled off into surgery. I kissed Pop Pop good-bye and immediately burst out into tears. My brother took me in his arms as I sobbed. And then, worry overcame me. I held my breath, waiting to exhale. Seven hours later, the surgeon came out to tell us it was a success. Whew! But that wasn't the end. Five days in ICU, filled with waiting-to-exhale moments, driving back and forth to UCDMC, calling relatives and friends about Pop Pop's progress. Our support system was incredible, though. Relatives and friends bringing us food, inviting us over, hugging us, texting, calling, emailing just to ask how we were. Letting us know we were not alone. And then finally, Pop Pop was transferred to the Cardiac Care Unit. But wait! One more complication. Worry overcame me. I held my breath, waiting to exhale. Relatives rushed to the hospital just to take visiting shifts since I was so tired from driving, worrying, talking with medical staff, etc.

But then the day of discharge finally came. And there was still worry. Worry now about Pop Pop's recovery. That first night home, he was like a newborn baby, waking up every 2 hours needing something. Worry, no sleep, I held my breath, waiting to exhale.

It's now been a month and Pop Pop is doing quite well. He begins cardiac rehab soon and continues to receive excellent health care from home health nurses and his cardiologist. He still has about another 2-3 months of recovery but he is doing great!

I finally had a chance to exhale the other day. And when I did, the flood gates opened. I cried. Cried from being tired, from being worried, from enjoying the exhilaration of the journey. And from being able to take care of my Pop Pop in a way I didn't know I was capable. And in this moment, I am no longer filled with worry. I am breathing. I have exhaled.

The Kindess of Others

2009-07-08T10:25:00.001-07:00

"You're powerful when you're real," my favorite grad school professor used to say to get his counseling students to share feelings and be vulnerable. Vulnerability is NOT a weakness. It's a powerful experience. Every time I open myself up and share with others my experience of sadness, loss, grief, pain, or stress, I am amazed at the compassion and outpouring of support I receive.

I am currently experiencing a high level of stress and decided to be vulnerable with other family members, friends, and even fans of my Facebook business page. (Yes, that's me in the picture...I know not flattering at all. I was going for vulnerability.) Sometimes you just never know where your support is going to come from. Sources you would've never dreamed. People I haven't seen in 25+ years are offering up places to stay so I can be closer to my family, neighbors are bringing me fresh vegetables and fruit from their gardens or offering to dog-sit, colleagues are offering to be contacts for my clients while I'm away from work, and family and friends are utilizing their strengths to care for me and my family, checking in on us with phone calls and emails. The other day I received a nice friendship card from a college roommate that made me smile. I even have Facebook friends who I've never met before sending me virtual hugs and asking about my family. I tear up just thinking about how many people care.

So what are the keys to being so blessed? Courage! It takes guts to be vulnerable to another, to ask for what we need/want. And, to know that we'll be ok even if that person uses our vulnerability against us. Trust in one's self! I always chuckle to myself when someone says, "I thought I could trust him/her!" When it concerns others, trust they will be who they are. The more important person to trust is YOU! Do you trust yourself to handle life's crazy ups-n-downs? Remain open! If you really need a hug or for someone to run an errand, and they offer, please don't decline that gift! I know you might think, "I don't want to put her/him out." Or "It's no big deal." But it is! I can still hear my ex-co-worker's voice when I politely declined her offer to run an errand for me, "Don't rob me of my blessings!" She then reminded me of the importance of karma. And then sometimes, people we would've never expected to give are helping us out. Strangers even! Two years ago, I was experiencing a rough time and I found solace in the chat room of Hug Nation. Be open to the gifts however they arrive! And finally, let go of expecations! Others give in all sorts of ways, separate from what we think they should. ;) Try not to get mad. I have a friend who has yet to ask how my family is during these stressful times. Not sure why. But she always returns my calls and emails. I try not to get too frustrated with her even though I'd like her to ask. I just try to appreciate the fact that she continues to stay connected with me during this time.

If you are experiencing a rough time in your life, I encourage you to reach out and risk vulnerability. Otherwise, you might never know just how powerful you really are!

The Importance of Playing!

2009-06-17T08:18:00.000-07:00

Practice what you preach! Those are the words that go through my mind as I encourage others to make time for themselves and give to themselves as much as they would give to others. But I'm just as guilty of taking better care of everyone else than myself. For the past 2-3 weeks now, I have been suffering from burn-out. A job hazard for sure in my line of work! And now I am no good to anyone...especially myself! I am tired, irritable, feeling resentful, isolating myself, and lacking excitement for life. (Sounds very similar to depression, doesn't it?) This week is my last week of work before I head out for vacation. A long overdue vacation! I haven't had a vacation in 2 years! Just to write that makes me a little sad. To think that I haven't made time for myself. Sure, I've had the occasional 3-day week-end, gone to get a massage now and again, and I've hung out with friends. But we all need to recharge by getting away from it all and focusing on our needs. Being self-employed, I've realized how much time and energy goes into my business. From seeing clients to managing the books to marketing the business, I invest more time into it than I do myself. I've also realized that since moving 4 years ago, I haven't quite settled into my lifestyle of fun and activities. I've certainly gotten involved in groups like Soroptimist, am the Vice President of my local chapter of CAMFT (CA Marriage Family Therapists), and have been politically active. But that is still giving to others! But what I haven't done much of are the things that I really enjoy like salsa dancing, biking, playing tennis, going to cultural arts events, going to plays, roller blading, wine tasting, and spending time in nature. (see that picture up there...that's beautiful Bidwell Park in the fall...and it's only 5 miles away from where I live!) All of these activities are accessible to me. But I need to make the time to, as the Nike commercials suggest, JUST DO IT! I need to play! We all have the need to play! So, I encourage all of you to get in touch with your inner playful child and do the things that you used to do when you were a kid! How did you play? I encourage you to practice what I call The Art of Self-Care by eating right, exercising regularly, socializing, doing date night with your spouse and leaving the kids at home, and just playing! Feel free to let us know how you play! Either leave comments here or if you're on Facebook feel free to look me up at FlorenceMFT and become a fan! You may also visit my website at www.florencemft.com. Now let's play! (photo courtesy of Carleen Clark)

Answering the Infamous Question...

2009-06-04T11:53:00.000-07:00

Do you take insurance? This certainly seems like a simple "yes" or "no" question. But it isn't. It fact, it can be a somewhat complicated answer. Whenever a potential client asks me this question, I try to give them the easy-to-understand answer, "I am an out-of-network provider so it depends on your insurance plan." But even that provokes more inquiry and explanation. Sometimes, behavioral health plans are part of one's medical health plan and sometimes they aren't. If they aren't, then there may be different deductibles and co-pays applied. Sometimes, too, behavioral health plans are covered by a separate health insurance company altogether. So if you have medical insurance covered by Company A, your mental health counseling may be covered by Company B. And Company A and Company B can have different rules, procedures, deductibles, and co-pays. In other words, if you have medical coverage under Company A, they may allow you to see an out-of-network doctor but if your mental health coverage is through Company B, they may not allow you to see an out-of-network counselor. Confused? You're not the only one! And the worst part of all of this is that neither you nor your provider may be aware of this. I had a client recently who found me through her insurance company directory. When the claim was filed, it was denied because her mental health coverage was through another company who chooses not to cover providers outside of their network. We didn't realize this since her insurance card listed me as a provider AND she found me through her insurance company's directory! This doesn't happen all the time but it is something to be aware of. Therefore, when I get a call from a potential client and the discussion unfolds, I encourage them to call their insurance company and ask about their mental health coverage. Or to review their insurance plan paperwork. If they get stuck, I'm certainly happy to call on their behalf. So going back to the question of whether I take insurance? I am an out-of-network provider (except for Aetna) who chooses to seek payment up front and bills on behalf of the client seeking reimbursement. Whether the insurance company reimburses is in the hands of the insurance company. Should you run into problems or need more information about insurance, feel free to contact the CA Dept of Insurance by clicking this link.

Living in Gratitude Brings Great Pay-offs!

2009-05-28T12:45:00.000-07:00

Living in gratitude has brought me much peace and happiness. This past weekend, I was sitting outside with some friends at an outdoor diner in Sacramento. It was a beautiful night and I was so happy to spend time with friends I haven't seen in awhile. Out of the corner of my eye, between chatter and laughter, I saw him. An old tattered man. He was handing out roses. I remember thinking, "How nice of him to share those with others." He came to our table and immediately my friend said, "There's no money here." He still offered each of us a rose and a blessing. I guess. He mumbled mostly. All I could hear was "God Bless" and then more mumblings. We graciously accepted our roses and all I could say was "Thank you" while I smelled the sweetness of this gift. He left only to return a few minutes later, asking for money. When no money was given, he asked for his roses back from my friends but not me. What made me different, I wondered. My friends teased me that maybe he thought I was cute. I wondered if it had to do with my gracious attitude. From the moment I saw him, I was already thinking positive thoughts about him. I wasn't worried about whether he was going to ask for money. I took my rose back to my hotel room, put it in a cup of water, and placed it on the table. The next day it still looked beautiful and I reflected on how happy I was to receive it. I left it for Housekeeping along w/a tip and a "Thank you" note. It felt so good to share that gift with someone else-another stranger. I will probably never see that old tattered man again. But he left me with a few gifts: a rose, a good feeling, and a smile. And the ability to pay it forward.

Yesterday, my neighbor surprised me by giving me a bag full of cherries. I've lived across the street from him for over 4 years and have only spoken to him twice and have waved hello on occasion. But, he must've been reading my mind because I was thinking just 2 days ago how nice it would be to enjoy some cherries. Again, I graciously took this gift with such joy, thinking, "Wow, I'm receiving so many wonderful gifts!"

There's more of course. For example, my business is thriving! I've had a very busy practice for about 2 mos now after a slow start at the new year. I give thanks in my gratitude journal everyday for all that I receive. And I've noticed that every time I'm grateful, the Universe blesses me with even more! While I know it seems so simple, I encourage each and every one of you to simply say "Thank You!" Thank you for this breath of life, the gift of vision, the gift of laughter, and the gift of friendship.

If you haven't started a gratitude journal yet, it's rather simple. Just reflect on your day, noting of all the gifts provided throughout your day, and then write them down. Should you get stuck, feel free to visit my website at www.florencemft.com and look through my resource pages. If you've already started a gratitude journal, keep enjoying the bounty!

Thank you for reading this blog! :)

PS-You may be wondering about the connection of the posted picture and this writing. That is my most recent tattoo. I love stargazer lilies and always feel good when I buy them. Thought I'd keep a permanent reminder of the joy they bring.

Talking Teens

2009-05-19T13:05:00.000-07:00

I love working with teens! Every time I say that, other adults seem to cringe and then ask, "Why?!" My approach as a counselor can be very direct and teens seem to appreciate that. Plus, I think I'm still a teen at times. :) There are 2 things one must know about teens. One, never try to power struggle with them. They'll win every time! And two, they're just as confused as you are.

Need tips on how to survive your child's teen years? Click this link to learn about early adolescence or click here to learn about the middle stage of adolescence. You can also watch this video of me discussing teens with Wake Up!'s Rob Blair.

Counseling Awareness Month TV Appearance

2009-05-16T16:39:00.000-07:00

April was Counseling Awareness Month and as a way to promote awareness of my profession, I partnered with KHSL's local morning TV program, Wake Up! My first appearance was April 10, 2009 and the topic was Stress & The Economy. I remember arriving at 6 am sharp and following producer, Sarah, into the studio. I was nervous not having done live TV before. Megan McDonald, the co-anchor, was at the news desk waiting for her cue. She smiled and said, "Good morning", and suddenly I was at ease. It's the same feeling I hope I'm able to give my clients when they arrive at my office for the very first time. I shared this with Megan and thanked her for her warmth. And then 30 minutes later, Rob Blair, the other co-anchor, who would be interviewing me, was adjusting my mic so it could not be seen. A mic check was done and soon after, the interview began. How quickly it all went! It's all a blur now. But I think the important thing I will take with me is the importance of making one feel comfortable in my office because my clients could be just as nervous as I was that Friday morning.

I encourage to listen to this audio link if you would like info on How to Manage Stress.

When I least expect it

2009-03-23T13:39:00.000-07:00

Grief comes upon us like waves. At least that's what I tell my clients. And here I sit feeling the waves coming over me now. Two years ago, I experienced a lot of loss. Family members passing, a friendship ending, and just plain growing older. I had just turned 40 and wondering if the 2nd half of my life would be filled w/good-byes. The upside to this is that I use it to connect to clients who are experiencing loss in their own lives. And I can teach others the stages of grief and loss with some examples. All n all, it has made me a better therapist. Even if it doesn't feel good sometimes.

Learning to Blog

2009-03-20T10:37:00.000-07:00

I'm a people person not a computer person! In my field, technology is not something we're trained to do. We're trained to care for people's souls, encourage clients to explore their feelings and help them develop new ways to cope to stressors in their lives. If you'd like to a list of areas I support clients, please click here.